Monthly Archives: June 2017

Deal With a Ransom Kidnapping

Though the odds of it happening are very low, but a kidnapping is terrifying for everybody involved in it. Your child has been kidnapped. You’re scared, depressed, and confused. The kidnapper demands a ransom. What is your first step? Most parents are clueless. This article will tell you everything that you need to know if this atrocity ever happens to you.

The first step in this situation is to remain calm.Your first instinct might be to call the police. This, however, is not the correct move. Your first contact should be a private security agency. From there, they will make the decision on whether you should alert the authorities or not. In a situation like this, it might be easy to make rash decisions, but you can not afford to do this. Everything should be handled as calmly, and by experts.

Ransom kidnappings are almost always about money. However, it is also about control. There is usually a negotiation back and forth until the final deal is made. This is important to keep in mind when dealing with the ransom.

When dealing with a ransom kidnapping, you should not expect it to be over quickly, unfortunately. Keep calm and remember that ransom kidnapping cases can last a long time. Make sure that you get proof of life before any deal is decided or any ransom is paid. Proof of life confirms that the abductor actually has your child and that you aren’t being scammed. You can do this by asking personal questions that only you and your child would know the answer to. For example, you could ask them who their favorite middle school teacher was and why. You could ask them their special nickname for their dog or anything of the like.

One of the most important things that you need to do in this situation is maintain your composure and not freak out. It can be super easy to panic and make bad decisions that you know are not logical. Your consultant should be there to guide you through decision making but it will still be extremely difficult to handle. Taking care of your mental health during this time is extremely important. Being well rested and ready to make decisions is essential when you go into each day. Don’t let exhaustion get the best of you in a situation where critical thinking is so important.

Reinvent Yourself After Heartbreak

Today, are going to take those lessons and learn how to apply that divorcegift so you can continue to move on with your life.

Don’t think of yourself as just a “divorcee.” You are so much more than that.

For years, you probably defined yourself as spouse, partner, and caregiver. Those definitions are all great, but they only make up a part of you. And when we tie ourselves to those definitions, we forget about all the things we once were.

But you are now given the incredible gift of redefining yourself. What do you identify with? Are you are dreamer, thinker, and doer?

It’s time to start embracing all the things you are besides just a person who’s no longer married. Take a moment to write down at least three ways to see yourself beyond your marital status. For example…

I am one hell of a friend and I always have my friends’ back.

I am a traveler who dreams, plans, and is bold enough to travel to those places others merely see in their dreams.

I am a master in the kitchen who knows how to whip up a feast from five ingredients hiding in my pantry.

Now it’s your turn! What are all the awesome things about yourself that you have overlooked during the divorce? Will you start seeing yourself for all these great things you are and all the great things you do?

Remember—being divorced means that now, you call the shots. You get the freedom to do what you want, when you want, and treat yourself like the queen you are. So start thinking of your self-identification beyond your divorce—which is just one small slice of who you actually are and all the amazing things that you are actually doing.

Have a plan for yourself. It’s the chance to chart your own destiny.

Divorce after a years-long marriage can leave us confused with how to plan for ourselves since plans usually involved the spouse. But your life doesn’t stop just because your marriage ended. It just means that you now have the freedom to do things on your own terms.

That sort of freedom can seem overwhelming at first. But having a plan doesn’t have to be! A great way for creating a reinvention plan for yourself is to answer the following questions:

Want do you want for yourself?
What steps will you take to get what you want?
Who can help you along the way?

Sometimes it can be difficult identifying the steps to get what you want as you continue to reinvent yourself after divorce. Living under different circumstances than you did when you were married, or if you are retired, on a fixed income, makes many older women thing that they will not be able to do the things they want, but this is not necessarily the case.

There are many excellent resources and professionals with expertise you not just live within your means, but thrive during the best years of their lives. The key is recognizing that you deserve to be happy and that with some planning, there is no reason you cannot achieve that for yourself.

Don’t view your divorce as a failure. View it as your second chance.

Many of us, even years after a divorce, carry an unfair burden. We wrongly think that the fact that because their marriage ended means they failed at something. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

If you really want to move the hell on, you need to start thinking of the end of your marriage not as some tragedy, but instead as the gift that it really is. When you view your divorce as the opportunity to now define life on your own terms, the chance to be happy again, and the chance to now write this new chapter in your life as your own vision and not your former partner’s, then you are creating the best possible future for yourself.

Nobody can change the past. However, always remember that divorce does not mean you are not worthy of celebrating these next years of your life. In fact, reinventing yourself beyond the label of “divorcee,” learning to plan for the things you now have the freedom to do, and viewing your divorce as a learning experience that has now let you define life on your own terms means you now have the chance to move forward to an amazing future. And that’s what treating your divorce like a gift is all about.

Information About Different Aggression Types Affect Intimate Relationships

Long-term close relationships require a lot of work to maintain and even the best one may fall short at times from the ideals that we all hold about what constitutes a good one. Arguments are inevitable and try as you might, you’re certain to have at least the occasional disagreement. It could be that you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on how much time to spend with your in-laws or whether you should get that new couch that one of you so desperately wants. Over the course of time, these disagreements come and go, but there’s a hope that they’ll go soon after they come. Much of the research on relationship satisfaction and the quality of a couple’s conflict resolution involves a one-shot examination using a correlational design, which limits the researcher’s ability to draw cause and effect conclusions. Further, many studies fail to study both partners in the relationship, meaning that they only get one person’s perspective.

Brigham Young University’s Sarah Coyne and colleagues (2017) studied relational aggression, which they define as “a behavior intended to damage a relationship or hurt someone through manipulation or social exclusion” (p. 282). This concept is slightly different than conflict resolution, which refers to the strategies that couples use after disputes arise and they then move on to settle them. Relational aggression is just that, the set of behaviors that inflict direct harm and is typically intentional. The Brigham Young University team tested married heterosexual couples, all participating in the “Flourishing Families Project (FFP), an ongoing study of the inner life of parents and their 10- to 14-year-old children. The sample was stratified according to social class and although the initial group consisted of 423 families, by the end of the 5 years that the study lasted, 311 couples remained. Most were White, but 19% were multiethnic, and most were college educated. Male and female relational aggression patterns were studied separately but their responses were tracked simultaneously.

The key measure of interest was a relational aggression and victimization scale designed for couples. The underlying framework of the study contrasted couples who used “lovewithdrawal” as a form of relational aggression with those who use what’s called “social sabotage.” In love withdrawal, you act aggressively against your relationship by what you do not do; i.e., communicate or allow yourself to show feelings toward your partner until your partner complies. Social sabotage is the form of relationship aggression in which you act out against your partner by telling others outside the relationship about what is happening but you don’t tell your partner. As the authors note, “Whereas love withdrawal keeps the tension within the marital relationship, social sabotage invites outsiders into the couple’s problems.” Social sabotage, in other words, has “the potential to inflict lasting damage … as the defamation of the spouse may endure over time” (p. 284). Imagine that one partner constantly lets a siblingor particular in-law know about every argument that the couple has. This makes it hard for that sibling or in-law to look the same way at the partner compared to the way this outsider would otherwise regard the partner. In turn, the partner loses face and may be less able to rely on that third party for support and affection.

Coyne and her colleagues predicted that women would be the more likely perpetrators of social sabotage. Given that teenagers are socialized from a young age to confide their relationship problems to their friends, such patterns may drift into adulthood when women continue to use friends or other family members as sounding boards for their marital problems. The perpetrators of social sabotage may not realize how damaging this type of relational aggression is or, even if they do, find it hard to modify their old patterns of behavior. For men, in contrast, this type of aggression may not be as commonly used, although when it is, the impact is particularly harmful given that men traditionally hold more power already over their partners.